At Art Basel Miami Beach, an annual product-placement festival for liquor and fashion brands that runs for a few days in South Beach every December, a company named ROE is offering 24/7 caviar delivery. The tagline is “You Don’t Need a Reason. You Are at Art Basel.” Haha! Suck on that for a while, as you would a salt-cured fish egg from the Caspian Sea. (Just so you’re aware, ROE’s caviar contains “no borax,” according to a press release.)
You can have caviar delivered to you in Miami by texting ROEBASEL to 77948. Delivery takes one hour. The caviar is sold in 125-gram tins for $275 and 250-gram tins for $550. I don’t even really have a joke here. Art Basel Miami Beach being the shallow clusterfuck that it is—a sustained metaphor for an iPadded, underpaid publicist standing at the gates of hell and saying “I don’t see you on here” for all eternity while a massive group of models and sugar daddies and (worst of all!) art writers invades your personal space and sense of freedom and happiness while attempting to push its way to the theoretical front of a line with no beginning and no end—24/7 caviar delivery seems just about right. And here’s hoping that “You don’t need a reason, you are at Art Basel” somehow catches on as a year-round excuse to do stupid shit all the time.